June 14, 2008


New results in the Presidential Election came today when America discovered a new state in the nation, Dog Trophy Island-- founded and governed by dogs. Most important is their count in the electoral college, which amounts to 6000 points, putting Kerry safely past his needed 270 count mark. Their votes are worth more because they are forged from gold found in the volcanoes of the island.
"Boy I'm glad I visited those guys," says John Kerry this afternoon, "I passed them when I was wind surfin' last week and I thought, 'hey I bet they like voting.' Turns out they had the election map already planned out with a calculator carved into it. They had figured out the exact number of votes I would need to win this election."
In other news, Northeast democrats decided today to transport Dog Trophy Island to the heartland of America to help with any confusion in the area. There, the dog population will replace all corn fields with the internet, and any humorous videos poking fun at President Bush will air on TV stations and milk cartons so that they understand how the rest of the world sees him. Kerry adds, "Dog Trophy Island has spoken."
-Hal Cronweld