Showing posts with label Inventions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Inventions. Show all posts
June 17, 2011
December 22, 2010
December 13, 2010
November 23, 2010
October 20, 2010
October 13, 2010
September 22, 2010
August 13, 2010
August 12, 2010
August 10, 2010
August 6, 2010
August 5, 2010
August 2, 2010
July 27, 2010
July 24, 2010
July 21, 2010
June 14, 2008
DOG FIRST EVER TO ORDER "FOOD ON THE ROCKS"
God applauded yesterday when Throne the dog made the choice of a lifetime at Murmie’s bar pubbery. Throne was the first in the world to even dare to think about ordering “Food on the Rocks”, a mixed drink consisting of ice, vodka, and aged snacks. He thought about it for all of fifteen seconds before the peer pressure and physical violence from his buddies transcended him. “Order it you fucking pussy!” was heard throughout the bar with much enthusiasm.
“Food on the Rocks” had been avoided by even the most audacious of drinkers since its conception in 1432. Measuring in at three gallons of ninety proof ‘death water’ (not including the mandatory re-fill) and a conscious selection of ‘fooders’ and ‘foodies’, this legendary horse of a drink is anything but a joke.
“I was so fucked up I couldn’t remember shit. I do remember Throne the dog ordering 'Food on the Rocks' though. That was amazing,” explained Murmie’s bartender. Throne not only downed “Food on the rocks” at magnificent speeds, he also chewed through the glass and vomited blood for six straight minutes. “If he didn’t die we would’ve loved to have seen him do it again. I don’t know if he’ll be able to do much now,” teased Throne’s good friend, Clarissa.
Will Throne’s death encourage kids to “be fun” and “have trashed”? It’s very likely. At the writing of this article, I can tell kids have become more “dareful” just by the way they are getting tattoos of Throne ordering “Food on the Rocks.”
-Falcon G.
DOG TO UNVEIL NEW COLOR
In an effort to make "kewler" paintings, artist-dog Gradion von Kewlenberg has invented a new color. There's a lack of interest in the presentation, which is surprising since von Kewlenberg is presumably going against all definitions of light and nature. The few ceremony attendees patiently wait for von Kewlenberg to decide when there's enough people interested before unveiling his latest color.
"You can't make up a new color, there isn't no color we haven't not yet not found that could exist in nature," says Physics teachers E. Van Jones, "That dog's been standing in front of a curtain for a week and has yet to reveal this bullshit. I ain't not waiting. Never."
The color is rumored to consist of plenty of gold and enough diamonds that would please some people, but not all. Von Kewlenberg is best known for his painting of a child that he painted only using bullets. The controversial piece resulted in the invention of the Painter's Gun, or a brush with a bullet taped to it. The product was number one in the box office and sold millions during last year's holiday season.
-Hal Cronweld
NEWS ALERT - NOVEMBER 30
Dog saves another bagged child.
Twin dogs finally caught after lengthy murder spree.
Dog tries to invent new car-- police allow public to shoot his legs.
NEWS ALERT - NOVEMBER 24
Barfy Scorpion kills horse-- attaches saddle to dog.
Vampire found at dig site-- property value soars.
Dog commended for using turn signals.
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