June 14, 2008


In an effort to make "kewler" paintings, artist-dog Gradion von Kewlenberg has invented a new color. There's a lack of interest in the presentation, which is surprising since von Kewlenberg is presumably going against all definitions of light and nature. The few ceremony attendees patiently wait for von Kewlenberg to decide when there's enough people interested before unveiling his latest color.
"You can't make up a new color, there isn't no color we haven't not yet not found that could exist in nature," says Physics teachers E. Van Jones, "That dog's been standing in front of a curtain for a week and has yet to reveal this bullshit. I ain't not waiting. Never."
The color is rumored to consist of plenty of gold and enough diamonds that would please some people, but not all. Von Kewlenberg is best known for his painting of a child that he painted only using bullets. The controversial piece resulted in the invention of the Painter's Gun, or a brush with a bullet taped to it. The product was number one in the box office and sold millions during last year's holiday season.
-Hal Cronweld