An uneventful event unfolded yesterday at the Paper Shredder and Walnut Warehouse when a customer decided not to bring his receipt with him whence returning a paper shredder he just purchased. Cereal the dog argued that the shredder was more like garbage than a shredder of garbage.
"He said he bought the shredder for shredding wagons," owner Jerry Klint says, "and when he found he could not shred more than two of his wagons he wanted his money back. Our policy clearly states that we only accept merchandise returns with gold attached to them. I told him to get a life."
Witnesses saw how upset the dog was and phoned the suicidal hotline immediately. The team responded with armored police that supplied Cereal with plenty of guns and the correct amount of bullets for legs of his size. His efforts were brave, but not enough for death. Doctors gladly taped him to his favorite wagon for his day-to-day travels.