June 14, 2008


Farmer Habertick had police rescue his dog Joey from the magical forest that lies within the borders of Peru this weekend. Habertick realized his dog was missing when he did not return from his morning shoe collecting job.
"My dog goes around the neighborhood collecting people's shoes so that I can steal them," says the farmer, "I realized he'd gone missing when I had no shoes to put in my milk for lunch. But I noticed a trail of wood glue on the ground, and I knew exactly where he could be."
Habertick is known around town for having an large collection of bronze statues that he makes delicious sandwiches from. He disposes of the excess statue parts in the forest in his backyard, where, years ago, wood- glue was invented by birds and sunshine. The forest was given the title Woodglue Woods, but some locals had trouble pronouncing it so it became better known as Magical Forest.
"It's unclear what life-forms have evolved in the Magical Foest, but we do know that excess amounts of woodglue and bronze do not mix," says therapist Howard Froll, "Joey has seen some very traumatic images in that forest. He is currently in the critical condition known as death, and I can't help him unless he answers some more questions about the forest."
-Hal Cronweld