June 14, 2008


Another remarkable tale about heroes, sparks, electricity, and champions happened at the old warehouse this weekend. Jake McPiperstockings was out showing his toddler how to make cool sparks on metal when the boy's eyes filled with tears of joy. He removed his goggles and went in for a closer look, only this time his eyes were filled with electric bullets. Or were they?
"I told my boy to keep his goggles on at all times," Jake says, "regardless of how sweet anything was that I was working on. Luckily, Cranberry was around to see little Buck in danger. Out of nowhere he comes flying up, moving his head all erratically and shit, catching every single spark I was throwing at him. It was hilarious, I did it for hours."
We asked Jake for a demonstration, but Cranberry was a little shy for the cameras. So we brought Buck back to the scene, put him in harm's way for a photo and succeeded. But once Cranberry noticed the cameras, he stopped catching sparks and they flew onto the baby's face, burning him with a tattoo of freedom. Cranberry then fired sparks from his paws at Jake and murdered the entire company.
-Hal Cronweld