June 14, 2008


Milldo township is in shock this morning after town legend, Caveman the dog, was found crushed by a large trash bag filled with car parts. The incident happened right outside the back entrance of Bill Snap's garage sale bakery. The suspect still remains at large, but local police were uninterested.
Carol Rim, Caveman's masseuse, explained, "Shit has shapes.. a pencil is the same way as a snake and sometimes we can't tell them apart. A dog is probably in the same way as a garbage bin. Especially Caveman.. he has a round stomach and his mouth is like where you put garbage."
Within one hour, garbage can developers scrambled to revise their new bins for the TITS (Trash International Trade Show) under the new dog/garbage can revisions made to the declaration of similarities. Trash enthusiasts expect to see a lot of cone shaped recepticles but it is unclear if the new designs will be unveiled to the public, or kept behind closed curtains in a high security underwater vault.
Caveman remains in critical condition and will be declared dead later this evening. A funeral will not be held on Saturday the 23rd.
-Falcon G.