June 14, 2008


The nation saw an end to the undefeated gold medalist flute choir from Montana last night at the First Annual Flute Choir Competition. Team Dog, or "The Kool Flootz" out-fluted "The American Sissy Patrol" by a score of 494 to 365. It's been 8 years that the Sissies have conquered this event, but the dogs took the crown after what some viewers call the ugliest competition they've ever seen.
"This was the worst night of my life," says Jane Haggerty of Dilltown, "I brought my kids for a fun night of fluting, but I had to tell them to walk home because of the horrific performance by the dog team. I've never seen so much blood or heard so much cursing in my life."
The Kool Flootz practice "intense fluting," which is an ancient tradition started by dinosaurs. It involves heavy music, mostly distorted, with a rain storm of blood to increase the effect of vandalism while fluting. The cursing is a modern addition to the art, but nevertheless people love the act and will pay anything to see a professional fluter perform it.
-Hal Cronweld