March 2, 2012

RARE PHOTO OF THE SODA WARS DISCOVERED


Describe your thoughts below.

  1. Saw the Ken Burns documentary on this. I cried Mr. Pibb for weeks thinking of all the casualties of war.

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  2. I LOVE HISTORY THIS IS 'KEWL' NEWZ! THANKS, HISTORY!

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  3. Rockford BannechekMarch 2, 2012 at 1:20 PM

    When your average chump guzzles back a can of coke or pepsi or even mountain dew, they drink in ignorance of all the blood and carbonated sweetness that bought them that freedom.

    Sip in reverance, my friends. Never forget.

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  4. I gargled with True Soda and my nose started bleeding.

    FOR CRYING OUT LOUD

    Does everything have to be so dramatic? What about universal truths?

    Vampire in stage coaches? Where would Vampire Rick ride?

    WEAR SEATBELTS!

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  5. I remember granddad's stories about "The Great Carbonated Conflict". It's eerie to look at this photo and think of granddad's otherwise peaceful hands soaked in cola, fighting against the oppression of what would become the nation's premier evil cola corporation.

    The last thing he said before he died was "T'ain't no reason to drink it. Yer not s'posed ta even drink it, the dad-blamed fools!"

    Well, that was the third thing he said before he died and, to be fair, he didn't say a lot in the last 10 years of his life.

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  6. Sorry, my caps lock was accidentally on before.

    Hallett, that is a nice story about your Grandpa. I wonder what my Grandpa's last words will be. I hope it is about soda too. Right now all he says is "Hey, Moochoochachi why don't you have a girlfriend? Or even a boyfriend? Stop playing with Legos all day."

    Also what do you think Total Soda tasted like?

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  7. If true soda didn't have the stupid knife throwing eagle we wouldn't have to drink that dumb stuff we could drink TOTAL SODA

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  8. Imagine....

    You are Ol' Grandpappy Hallet sittin on the banks of the Whitlamoooochi. You are relaxing and squatting there stroking your long luxurious beard.

    Suddenly you look up. "Is that a vampire in a stagecoach?"

    Then from tranquil sheen of that sleepy river, a screeching, mawing, hell eagle springs up and pokes you in the chin with his laser tipped dagger.

    You yell ,"WHAT THE H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS?"

    But it is too late. Someone has already painted a portrait.

    Now imagine......
    The world's richest dog sitting on a velvet throw pillow. He cannot speak because he is a dog, but he sure can type. And he is rich.

    He is texting his representative at the Christy's antesodabellum art auction and he is dung ho.

    He wants that painting and he is gonna get it.

    NO MATTER WHAT THE COST

    When he wins (and he always does, he is rich), the painting is shipped in bubble wrap and sent to one of his many penthouse apartments.

    As the years roll on the painting wears on him. It haunts his dreams. But something funny begins to happen. He develops a taste for modern music. Soon he is listening to all of the modern favorites.

    He wears headphones and has a cd by Maroon5. He is invited to sit in a luxury box at a Lady Gaga concert. 16 people see him and recognize him. But most of the crowd is just waiting for "BAD Romance"

    A million miles away in a third world country, a malnourished child with a distended belly is given a tiny tiny bottle. On the outside are the words True Soda. She cannot read it because she is illiterate. But she know it fills the hunger in her bones.

    An old man's chin scar aches in the cold night air and he knows he cannot outrun the EAGLE OF DESTINY He turns to the stable boy who lives in a hovel near by the sodawar veterans memorial home and he cries out get Young Hallett on the telephone.

    "Grandbaby, Grandbaby! there is something I have to tell you. T'ain't no reason to drink it. Yer not s'posed ta even drink it, the dad-blamed fools!

    Somewhere Lady Gaga is chewing on a meatdress. But outside the windows of the soda veterans memorial home, he hears the creaky wheels of a stagecoach full of vampires. Not the good kind like Vampire Rick either.

    For some unknown reason a tear falls from the worlds richest dog's eye, but it is caught in a silver chalice.

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  9. Great story Gamzu. Who cares.
    Hallett is not the only one who had a relative in the war. But guess which side he was on?

    Href on this winners

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  10. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yusupov_Palace_(Crimea)

    MISHKOR PALACE, THE UKRAINE

    a drug war fought by the Aighur Chakrabarti family and their leader 'Christian Angeline' for the British ROYAL family - against the local population, whom they had been terrorising - get your facts straight.

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  11. Hahah L.O.L. (Laughing-Out-Loud)

    Anonymous (if that is his real name) doesn't know how to use an HREFTAG (teach him, Rick!) and he also misspelled "terrorizing"!

    What a Big Stupid Jerk! L.O.L. (Laughing-Out-Loud)

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  12. Rockford BannechekMarch 4, 2012 at 8:42 PM

    I think it's appalling that part of the reason True Soda won the war was that they stooped to the level of using the headless santa-golems, genetically engineered from chimney scrapings on boxing day.

    I mean, you can tell that it is an abomination of natural science, Santa's DNA mixed with the infernal sludge of colonial chimney soot. How can you tell? SANTA HAS NO BRAIN. HE NEEDS 3D GLASSES TO BE ABLE TO OPERATE HIS SODA CANNON.

    We live in a nation of True Soda, but at what cost? Sure the world's richest dog can buy any painting no matter what the cost, but can our nation buy it's capitalist freedom no matter what the cost?

    The answer is clearly YES, as evidenced by this photograph. But should it have been?

    History is written by the winner, but I don't see any monsters fighting for Total Soda. Makes you think.

    The horror. The horror.

    (no offense Vampire Rick).

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  13. Rockford BannechekMarch 5, 2012 at 1:13 AM

    OH OKAY. RIGHT. I can tell from your awkward silence what you are thinking. You are all thinking this:

    "Rockford Bannechek is a jabroni. He doesn't even recognize that that is SODA Claus."

    WRONG! You fools seem to have missed that antiquated soda brain in place of that head! don't mistake the father for the progeny!

    WHAT DO YOU THINK TRUE SODA DID WITH ALL THEIR HORRIFIC CREATIONS AFTER THEY WON THE WAR?

    now we accept the various santa-golems that live among us. as we should. THEY didn't choose their freakish fate. WE did. and the most famous one, Soda Claus, does deserve his fame.

    Sure he still rocks the soda cannon like it's no big deal, but the soda cannon has become a Jungian achetype to us, no?

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  14. Grandad had a cask of Total Soda in his cellar I discovered after he died. It tasted a lot like Coke, but also had sarsparilla and a little mold in it. Overall very refreshing. I wouldn't go to war over it, but I'm not judging those who did.....

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  15. Also, Gamzu: great story, lots of passion and pageantry. You should write a screenplay for a new dramatic series on Fox or FX or NBC. If you could recommend me for a position as Key Grip that would be great, but don't feel obligated, it's just a lifelong dream of mine.

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  16. Instead of saying "also Gamzu". You could have said AAT.

    AAT I don't even know what a key grip is.

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  17. You don't need to know what one is. When you get the gig just mention to one of the executives that you know the perfect person to be the Key Grip (capitalized). I'll take it from there.

    Also: I can't use the "AAT" formula on my iPad because the "T" key is broken. Thanks though.

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  18. first steampunk, now sodapunk

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  19. Hallett (with no T's)! For the love of True Soda! Be more sensitive. Gamzu can't even afford a laptop--how in the World could he afford to know what an iPad is?

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  20. Rockford BannechekMarch 6, 2012 at 8:42 PM

    DM Gamzu: have you considered a notebook?

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  21. AAT

    Just another kind of laptop ROCKFORD

    I JUST DON'T HAVE THEM"

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  22. The misunderstood Rockford BMarch 7, 2012 at 3:46 PM

    DM Gamzu: Perhaps...but consider the pros and cons.

    Pro: Notebook is about the same size as an iPad or laptop.

    Pro: Can takes notes like an iPad or laptop

    Con: no internet access but PRO no batteries required.

    Con: Can't send email, but it can be used to send normal mail.

    Pro: can do math

    Pro: if you get frustrated with said math, you can throw it in the fireplace with no great financial loss.

    Pro: you can make paper airplanes from it.

    Pro: it costs less than $5

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  23. off topic RockfordMarch 7, 2012 at 3:50 PM

    AAT the T key can't break on it.

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  24. Rockford BannechekMarch 7, 2012 at 4:52 PM

    AAT: i'm just tryin to help a brother out.

    i'm thinkin "what does Gamzu do when he get's inspiration for one of his many projects when he is out getting a coffee or something?"

    He needs a notebook. but maybe you already know how to step up at a coffee shop. maybe that's really why you don't need a laptop.

    No need to get all bold and caps-lock on me.

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  25. Is this the where prototype for bottle rockets began???

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  26. DM Vampire rick

    One thing I like to do is mispronounce the term "pipsqueak" instead I like to say "piksqueak"

    It really cracks people up at parties.

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  27. The World's Richest DogMarch 12, 2012 at 12:04 PM

    My Great Grandoggy paid a Quaker to fight for him (in CA$$$$H).

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  28. I really love history, thanks for sharing. Make sure you take a look at my painting website. I'm a local painter in Byfield MA.

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  29. Great post, thanks for enlightening us all! If you're in need of a roofing contractor in Sudbury MA, make sure you check out my website. I'm the leading roofer serving Sudbury, and would be happy to provide anyone with a free roofing estimate.

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