It's hard to be cool nowadays, and even harder to be kewl. That's why police have hired dog Roger Silvertrust as a spy to catch kids in the act of using, holding, eating, dating, clowning, or catching drugs.
"Last week he came back all drunk and shitfaced, it was hilarious," says police chief Hobard Kullington, "He really gets into his work, he laces a lot of his clothes with today's coolest beers or drugs and drinks that shit all night. Seriously though, I think he's going to be president one day. He knows a lot of kids. And when kids know about presidents, there's nothing you can't not do to become one."
Silvertrust is most known for holding dance-offs with the intent to have drugs fall out of his pockets to see which kids will dive after them. When they approach the child is attacked by a robot that waits in the car outside listening for the sound of drugs falling.
Rest in Peace.
Rest in Peace.
You may be curious about my uncle's death. He was found dead this morning mauled by his own 3900 dogs. The dogs were apparently tipped off that their owner was the one writing fake dog news every day and so they destroyed him. He was found by his computer with the image of himself(left) printed out. On the floor was this message written in blood: "Alien Lazer Graphixxxxx," with an arrow pointing to a tear drop that he also printed out.
As for the status of True American Dog, he had a few blueprints and notes on his drafting table that I immediately sent out to a cool graphix designer. There will be fewer updates over the next couple of weeks, unless I can manage to get his briefcase open. Expect an all new True Dog to be back up after the new year.